What does it mean to "Care"? 

I was recently back in Singapore for a wedding and got to meet my eight-month-old nephew Elias for the first time. Needless to say, he is the darling of the family and everyone, including myself, is utterly besotted with him.

Watching the interactions between him and the rest of my family reminded me of how important care is for young children and the ways in which care is exemplified in the daily activities with a child we often take for granted such as feeding, changing diapers, bathing. Yet, what exactly is care? Surely it extends beyond these daily provisions.

Mayeroff says that caring is "the antithesis of simply using the other person to satisfy one's own needs" (p. 1) and it means being involved in the development and "actualization" of the other. Interestingly, Mayeroff also describes care in a way that impacts not only the one cared for, but the care giver as well. She notes that there is a trust relationship that happens in order for the care giver to observe how to respond to the child.

I struggled to find a photo that captures Mayeroff''s description of care. Does a photo of the care giver feeding/bathing/diapering a child adequately capture care? As I thought about an image that captures a caring relationship, I realized that I had the answer in a photo I took while in Singapore of my father with Elias.

The photo doesn't quite capture my father in action but you can see that my father has his palms raised in a clapping motion and is in the midst of playing with Elias. What you don't hear is the high pitch cooing and gurgling voices my dad is making during the interaction, and Elias' excited chuckles of joy as he kicked his legs and slapped his palms on the table of his high chair.  My father, usually not one to show affection, is completely open and uninhibited when playing with Elias. He gets down on the floor to meet Elias at eye-level, something that isn't easy for someone approximately 180 pounds.

I have never seen my father as uninhibited and joyful as he is when he is with Elias. And Elias seems respond with glee. To me, the unbridled joy and back and forth repartee my father has with Elias exemplifies the care that Mayeroff describes in her book. My father was never like that with me nor my sisters as we were growing up, the way he showed he cared was different. It was rarely emotional, and much more transactional. I am joyful to see this side of my father emerge. As we both share a love and desire to care for Elias, hearing my father's coos gurgles as he plays with Elias brings me similar delight.